April 27, 2009; 4:30 a.m.

I can't help but notice a trend here. Once again it is 4:00ish in the morning and I have yet again been unable to go to sleep. The main problem is the overwhelming nausea, but, of course, there is also pain. It is not severe this time, but it is bad enough that I can't sleep. This happens several times a week. I just don't post every time it happens. I seriously need to get a new doctor, but I have issues with male doctors. I realize that these issues are not their problem, but mine. However, that still does not help my situation. I am getting low on my pancreatic enzymes and do not have any refills on them. I will run out of blood pressure medicine in about six months. I still have some pain medication, but it is running out as well. I try not to use it very often, but sometimes that's all that works. Well, the birds are singing outside and the eastern sky is lightening slightly. I guess I will go lay down for another hour or two before I have to get up for the day. Maybe I will be able to fall asleep in time to wake up.

April 20, 2009; 4:15 a.m.

So, here it is a couple of hours before I need to get up for the day and here I am awake (still). As usual, I am not able to go to sleep in spite of being tired due to nausea and moderate pain. I am primarily referring to pancreatic pain, but I am also referring to joint/muscle pain as well. My hips, back, shoulders, neck, and other joints have been aching on and off for several months now. I don't know if it is arthritis or just aging, but I don't think I should feel so sore. I still don't have a doctor so I guess it doesn't really matter anyway. I just would like to be able to go to bed, fall asleep at a normal time, stay asleep, and not awaken hurting. That seems to be a lot to ask. I guess I should try to update my other blog sometime. I may as well do it now since I am obviously not going to go to sleep until the end of today (which hasn't even started for most people). I am hoping that I will be able to sleep after not sleeping tonight...or is it last night now?

Blech....4/10/09

I am sick of being sick. I'm going back to bed. Enough said.