September 14, 2008

I haven’t written on here for a while. That isn’t because there hasn’t been anything to write about. It is because there isn’t anything new to write about. Things are pretty much the same…constant nausea, vomiting, and pain to varying degrees. Yes, there have been times I was very ready to go to the hospital. No, I did not actually go. Last week I received 11 new students in my class. I had a small class consisting of ELL (English Language Learners) students. Since the other kindergarten classes were very large, they moved a few students from their classes into mine. There was no way I could be gone the first week they were in my class, even though I felt terrible for a good part of the week. This week I have parent-teacher conferences so that will keep me busy as well. Fortunately, I am not feeling much pain right now. Today I have just been nauseated. A friend of mine said I looked yellow, but I think she is nuts. I look the same as always.
As I mentioned before, I haven’t written much because there is nothing new to write about. It is the same stupid stuff all the time. I have times when I am just nauseated with very little pain. Then there are the times when the pain in excruciating. The worst is when the pain is so bad AND I cannot stop vomiting. Normally, when I vomit it is only a couple of times. If my body just won’t stop, I will usually go to the hospital. The thing that is frustrating is that the nausea never goes away. Even when I feel “good”, I don’t feel all that good. It is also frustrating to not have anyone to talk to about all of this. Most people who know about this think that it is similar to heartburn or indigestion. Ha!!! I wish it were like that. They don’t know the truth and really don’t want to know the truth. That’s fine. It’s not their problem. My family (parents and siblings) would just worry if I told them everything. I’m certainly not going to talk to my children about how terrible I feel; although my daughter is very aware of it. I feel bad for my children because I think they are being cheated out of a lot. I just don’t feel well enough to do the things I want to with them. By the time I get home at 7:00 (or later), I feel like I am doing well just to make dinner, help with homework, make sure they bathe/shower, and have clean clothes. I do not want to talk to a counselor. How pathetic is that to have to pay someone to listen to me? Besides, it still would not change anything and I do not want to tell some stranger a bunch of crap about myself. Ugh! I guess I should go to bed. It is almost 1:00 a.m. I need to write on my other blog, but it might have to wait until tomorrow.