Six years later....

How cool is it that this even still exists?!! I was surprised that I could still find it. Do people still write blogs? 

Well, most importantly, I am still alive. Things have changed. I no longer have six kids keeping me on my toes all the time. Half of them have moved out and are working, going to school, or both. The two youngest boys are Sophomores in high school this year. And one of the older kids still is living at home to save money while going to school. 

My pancreatitis is still a part of my life. It is still a chronic condition with acute flare-ups. One big thing that has changed is that I am finally on disability. I figured between the pancreas, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, migraines, arthritis in my neck and back, and severe depression it was worth applying. I am living in poverty so I don’t recommend this unless you are out of other options. But I am glad I can be sick and suffering and still be able to pay the rent. And I am still hopeful that something new will develop that will be able to help me. 

I take advantage of the good days and try to get some shopping done. I don’t care to go out a whole lot, but it is necessary sometimes if you like to have food and other household supplies in your home.

I could go into details about how I am doing, but I have already done that in past posts. It’s the same now as before. I just try to get through each day as they come. 

Goodnight for now. Maybe I’ll write again before another six years goes by.

And now it is July 2013

So I have beaten the odds a bunch of times. I am still working at the pharmacy where I started in 2011. I might not be for much longer. My attendance points are adding up. I really try not to miss work, but sometimes I am not able to help it. Aside from the attendance points, I do really well at my job. I have excellent quality scores. I talked to my boss about the fact that I am almost to the point of losing my job due to absences. She told me I could take family medical leave. She doesn't want to lose me at work either. So I called about that. I am temporarily approved, but I have to get my doctor to complete a form. No problem...you would think. Actually it could be a problem. I haven't gone to my new doctor here except for a couple of times. I am now out of my meds and was going to seek an appointment for that anyway. I was just so discouraged and so tired of doctors' visits that I haven't gone. I still have four kids at home to raise. I have to live eight more years until my youngest reaches adulthood. Then all bets are off.  If I can't get my doctor, who knows very little about me, to approve FMLA then I am in serious trouble. I just spent the last two days in pain and nausea. So that's it. I have reached the limit on my attendance points. I am feeling better now, but not completely. Bleh. I don't know what I am going to do if I lose this job. I just wish I could be better. I am tired of being sick.

Summer 2011

I wish I could say things are better. They are not worse physically. Everything is about the same there. Periods of feeling fine; sometimes days sometimes even weeks and then back to the same old pancreatitis routine. At the end of the year school year in 2010, our district was facing budget cuts. 17 teachers lost their jobs and who better to cut than someone with less than stellar attendance due to health issues. Now, they can't legally say it was because of that. It is due to budget constraints. So long story short...I have lost in the last couple of years my home, my car, and my job. I was just hired at a call center for a pharmacy. I start on August 12th. It does not pay well, but you take what you can get. I have to find a new doctor here and start all over again.  I have hoarded a lot of my meds so I should be good for a while. I have LOTS of my enzymes, some nausea meds, blood pressure meds and some pain meds. I hope they last for a while. I am discouraged and so sick of being sick.

.....added recently. This was still listed as a draft!

Wow...2010! (1/25)

I haven't written on here for quite a while. I wish I could say that means that there has not been any news to report, but that is not the case.

I have had less attacks of pancreatitis, which is a good thing. The word "less" implies that they have not gone away entirely, which is not necessarily a good thing.

I had a fairly painful attack a couple of days before Christmas. I knew that I couldn't spend Christmas in the hospital when I had six kids at home. So that involved taking some of my very dwindling supply of pain meds. Yuck. Some day they will invent some pain meds that just make you stop hurting, but not make you feel weird.

I had another painful bout last week. It was during the night and I seriously considered calling an ambulance, but realized that the likelihood of an ambulance reaching my house through two feet of snow wasn't good. Too bad you can't live without a pancreas.

A good thing is that I finally have a new doctor. I have only been to see her one time, but I liked her fairly well during that visit. I will need to divulge a little more information to her about my pancreatitis the next time I visit her; probably this week. I mostly discussed my blood pressure (since I needed a refill on that medication) and this odd, all-over, muscle pain. I will have to explain the pancreas stuff a little at a time so #1-She doesn't think I'm a raging alcoholic and #2-She doesn't think I am some crazy hypochondriac or #3-She doesn't think I am a drug seeker. That is what I usually get at the hospital; especially now that my enzyme levels don't spike as high as they used to anymore.

Soon, I need to update my other blog. The last post was actually supposed to be on there and somehow I posted it on both of them. So my next endeavor....update six + one = fun, fun, fun.

Don't hold your breath, though. It probably won't be today. LOL

I'm still around....

It has been six months since the last time I wrote on here. Is that insane or what?!!! I seriously don't know how people keep up with these things. So I will try to update a little on here.

Tyler turned 15 in April. Erica was selected as one of three students from Arizona to go to Nationals for FBLA in June. That was quite an honor.

Recently three of us had birthdays. Erica turned 17 on 9/28. I turned 39 (yikes!) on 10/11 and Alex turned twelve yesterday (10/14).

We started a new school year in August. The kids are in the following grades: Erica (12), Tyler (10), Alex (6), Jared (4), Nathan (2), and Zachary (1). I started out teaching kindergarten this year, but recently moved to the third grade. We had very large class sizes for third grade and very small ones for kindergarten. Since I had experience teaching third grade (for one year about twelve years ago), I said I would be willing to switch grades if they needed me to. They needed me to. I had to switch rooms as well. I really miss my little kindergartners, but I love my third graders. They are great kids.

I've had a few interesting challenges lately. One is the impending foreclosure of my house. I was originally scheduled for July and then was postponed to August, September, and finally to October 16th. It is not being postponed again to the best of my knowledge. So that is tomorrow. I'm not sure when I have to be out, but I guess they will let me know at some point; probably sooner than later. How did I even get in this situation? Well, be careful about companies who are supposed to help with loan modifications. They just pocketed my money for months and didn't help at all. Moral of the story: Checking with the Better Business Bureau doesn't always guarantee that a company is what it claims to be. So #1 challenge....no home.

#2 challenge....My minivan "threw a rod". I'm not sure what all this entails, but I do know that it means I need a new engine at the cost of $3000. Yeah, I don't make that much in a month. So our car for the moment is my daughter's little car that seats a maximum of five, but not very comfortably. The problem with that would be that there are seven of us. I just don't think that it is a good thing that the little boys are always wanting me to let them ride in the trunk. So #2 challenge...no car large enough for the family to ride in.

#3 challenge....my deep freezer went out. It was full of meat. I say was because the way we discovered it stopped working was from the smell. Imagine several cubic feet packed full of rotting meat. Yuck! That was a gross (plus an expensive loss). Alex was my hero and emptied the meat out. Tyler helped some too. It was not a pretty job. We wheeled the freezer outside first, but you could smell the horrific odor emanating from it from a distance of about 15 feet away with the wind blowing away from you.

Those are some not cool things right now. Then there were a few annoying things such as some little turkey deciding it would be fun to break one of the large side windows on the already broken down van. There was also the whole issue of me having a broken window in my bedroom that I can't afford to replace. The plastic I taped over it doesn't help much as far as insulation is concerned which I am noticing more now that it is getting colder at night. Then on Monday, my doorknob to the house quit working and we were literally trapped inside for a while until I could get it off. The knob came of pretty easily, but the middle part was really stuck. I did buy a new doorknob, but it needs to be returned since the screws it came with won't loosen. We now are just using the deadbolt and have an interesting hole in the front door where the doorknob used to be. On the bright side, I always wanted to install a peep hole. Well, now I have one. I can even use both eyes at the same time if I want to. Pretty fancy-schmancy. Plus, the boys have invented a new game of, "see what you can throw through the hole in the door".

Oh yeah, and everyone has been sicker than a dog over the last several weeks with a real nasty flu. (You know the one...it's been on the news a lot lately). My turn began last week and I am now mostly better. I am still pretty tired and I haven't quite figured out why I am so dizzy, but I am definitely doing much better. The kids have all pretty well recovered with the exception of Jared, but that is because he was the last kid in the family to get it...so he is still in the recovering stages as well.

Now, everything is not all doom and gloom. There are several positive things to consider as well. For one, I probably don't need to worry about replacing my bedroom window since I won't be living here anyway. Heck, I could probably even just leave the custom peephole for the bank as well. I'm sure they would be impressed. Not many people have a peephole like mine. I am also eating less fast food (can you say Little Caesar's $5 pizzas?). When you can't take your family very far, you tend to just make do with what you have and make less trips out and about. Also, I don't have to worry about my car breaking down in the middle of nowhere now since it already did that and is now resting in peace in front of my house. Another thing we don't have to worry about is getting the swine flu. Woo-hoo! One less thing to worry about. So all-in all, I guess things aren't that bad.

I do need to try to find a place to rent. There are many empty houses, but not as many rentals. It is challenging to find a place to rent that is large enough for the five boys, my daughter, and myself that I can afford on my salary. I don't think the two bedroom apartments for $700 a month are going to cut it. There is also the whole issue of security deposits and first and last month's rent. Also, I really need to get a different minivan; preferably a working one so I can haul the afore-mentioned children around.

Well, I guess I should go to bed sometime soon since it is now almost 1:30 a.m. I hope that I am able to write again on here before another six months go by. It will be interesting to see the changes that occur between now and then. Goodnight for now. :)

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Oh my gosh...it feels like my insides are on fire! I think this is going to be a bad one. The diarrhea has already reared its ugly head and the nausea is really bad as well. I'm pretty sure vomiting won't be too far off. I don't know what to do. If I go to the hospital, I will probably get pain meds and then be sent home. My enzyme levels just don't skyrocket the way they used to after having pancreatitis for so long. I still don't have a doctor even though mine hasn't left town yet. I guess I better take some of my dwindling supply of percocet and hope it will stay down long enough to help. It's amazing to me the level of pain you are able to stay conscious through. That's about all the typing I can handle for now. Let's hope I can keep pain meds in long enough to work. :(

So stinkin' tired...

...of everything, really. My house is the mother of all messes. My kids will not clean unless I am hovering over them forcing them to do it. Quite frankly, I am too exhausted and apathetic when I get home to force them to clean. I am exhausted; weary in my bones. I am tired of being nauseated and waking up hurting most days. Although I am not suicidal or anything, it would be nice to go to sleep and not wake up. My kids are actually the reason I continue to get up each day and keep on keeping on. I certainly can't leave the raising of my children to their dad. That is not a pretty thought. I think I am going to bed pretty soon.

Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts......

April 27, 2009; 4:30 a.m.

I can't help but notice a trend here. Once again it is 4:00ish in the morning and I have yet again been unable to go to sleep. The main problem is the overwhelming nausea, but, of course, there is also pain. It is not severe this time, but it is bad enough that I can't sleep. This happens several times a week. I just don't post every time it happens. I seriously need to get a new doctor, but I have issues with male doctors. I realize that these issues are not their problem, but mine. However, that still does not help my situation. I am getting low on my pancreatic enzymes and do not have any refills on them. I will run out of blood pressure medicine in about six months. I still have some pain medication, but it is running out as well. I try not to use it very often, but sometimes that's all that works. Well, the birds are singing outside and the eastern sky is lightening slightly. I guess I will go lay down for another hour or two before I have to get up for the day. Maybe I will be able to fall asleep in time to wake up.

April 20, 2009; 4:15 a.m.

So, here it is a couple of hours before I need to get up for the day and here I am awake (still). As usual, I am not able to go to sleep in spite of being tired due to nausea and moderate pain. I am primarily referring to pancreatic pain, but I am also referring to joint/muscle pain as well. My hips, back, shoulders, neck, and other joints have been aching on and off for several months now. I don't know if it is arthritis or just aging, but I don't think I should feel so sore. I still don't have a doctor so I guess it doesn't really matter anyway. I just would like to be able to go to bed, fall asleep at a normal time, stay asleep, and not awaken hurting. That seems to be a lot to ask. I guess I should try to update my other blog sometime. I may as well do it now since I am obviously not going to go to sleep until the end of today (which hasn't even started for most people). I am hoping that I will be able to sleep after not sleeping tonight...or is it last night now?

Blech....4/10/09

I am sick of being sick. I'm going back to bed. Enough said.